20 Signs You Watch Too Much Downton Abbey

I've come to find I'm most creative when I should be working...

1. You’ve thanked the mailman for his services but warned him to stay away from your sister.

2. You noticed that your calf was showing from under your dress and felt like a tramp.

3. You now pronounce “valet” with a hard T and find yourself disappointed when they take your car instead of taking your clothes off.

4. You refuse to do the dinner dishes and ask other diners to play bridge with you until the men come through.

5. When you go out to eat, you suspect the waiter is up to no good which drastically impacts his tip.

6. You warn every pregnant woman you see of the dangers of eclampsia so she doesn’t meet the same terrible fate dear Sybil did.

7. You now refer to prenups as “tying down the money.”

8. You’re not yet 30 but are unmarried and believe you are entering what you’ve begun calling the “Poor Edith” stage of life.

9. You had hoped to visit England one day but in spite of English virtues, you fear that you’re crazier and more offensive than Martha Levinson.

10. You’ve rung a bell for service so many times your frustrated husband has taught the family dog to poop on the bedroom rug every time he hears it chime.

11. You have the silverware polished weekly even though it’s plastic.

12. You’ve tried to organize a hunt but realized your neighbor’s hamster is not profitable game.

13. You feel like Mr. Carson when you delegate chores to your kids and demand perfection to uphold the status and reputation of the family.

14. You’ve started calling your children’s bedrooms “the servants’ quarters.”

15. You’ve thought about dappling in the black market following the war, but realized the only thing you could manage to smuggle is Girl Scout cookies and you simply don’t trust the uniformed tikes.

16. You’ve recently discovered an attractive cousin at a family reunion.

17. You take a Dowager Countess approach to technology and often flicker the lights in your home lamenting “WHAT IS THIS SORCERY?!” much to the annoyance of your family.

18. You’ve developed a perpetual fear of the deadly potential of your own ladyship and consequently have cut your husband off from sex completely.

19. Conversely, you’ve developed an unrealistic expectation of the deadly potential of your ladyship and have sought out every ex who has ever done you wrong.

20. You put out an ad on Craig’s List for a Lady’s Maid; under job requirements you listed “must be able to hold the soap.”