It’s no wonder the amazing Maggie Smith wins so many awards
with the lines Mr. Fellowes writes for her as it seems nearly all of my reviews
have begun with her quotes. Sadly, this was not quite the aimless thinking that
usually lands people like myself in trouble, but the grieving process of Edith
who finally confirmed that Michael is in fact, dead. While Edith turns this
cold truth in her head and the last light of hope is extinguished in her
maimed heart, for pretty much everyone else in the house, life has gone on. And
Mary could be no truer to her cruel persona than when she apathetically shot
Edith down after telling her to stay away from the horse races because she “usually
spoils everything.” In the midst of her overwhelming grief, ever impulsive Edith
decides to flee Downton, scooping up Orchid up from the Drew farm and
devastating one more adoptive family before she dashes off to London (damn it Edith
stop doing that you selfish cow!). Don’t get me wrong, I totally get the grief
a mother could feel being forcibly separated from her child, but as a potential
future adoptive mother, my biggest fear is a biological mother popping back up
after I fall in love with my child and taking them away, so I cried for Mrs.
Drew when she was kissing Clover goodbye.
But no tears will be shed when Tony is weaned from Mary’s
teat and effectively transitioned back to Mabel Fox, a scheme which seems to be
nearly complete following the horse races. Again the catty exchanges between
Mary and Mabel provided a brief glimpse of the old Mary we loved, slipping a little
sting back into her tail, but one or two lines an episode just doesn’t seem to
be enough of the witty banter that made me fall in love with her in
the first place. The new hairstyle kind of made up for it though.
Mary wasn’t the only one who had a bit of sting resurface in
her, as Cora finally confronted Lord Donk on his jack-assery. Continuing to
carry the grudge of the incident with Bricker, Donk remained in his dressing
room during the evenings, throwing the issue back in Cora’s face with his
holier than thou demeanor. But, having no more of his childish pouting, Cora
obliviously posited to him that if he hadn’t ever led another woman astray, he’d
better damn well get his ass back in their bed, post-haste! Well, I’m not sure
that was the Lady-version of it, but I think that might have been the American
interpretation. After thinking over it for a moment, during which no doubt,
maid Jane popped up in his little brain, he shuffled back to their room with
his tail between his legs.
And in more news of marital discord, Bates found Mary’s
contraceptive in Anna’s drawer (am I the only one wondering what kind of
contraceptives there were back then? I mean is this the elusive sponge Elaine
from Seinfeld raved about so much? Perhaps when they were still being manufactured
and well-supplied? If they weren't, I'll bet Mary was kicking herself after finding Tony wasn't sponge-worthy). Anyways, predictably this caused some confusion and anger,
but in spite of the accusations that flew and Anna ultimately admitting it was
Mary’s love sponge, when Bates countered that Mary couldn’t have used it with
all that Matthew dying business, Anna refused to reveal that Mary got her
naughty on with Tony. Instead, Bates assured her he was not a murderer and she
could have his children without worrying they would be the next Ted Bundys of
the world and Anna cried and they kissed and made up. So the moment was left
with Bates thinking she used contraception on him. But they both seem to be okay
with this so why ruminate on it? Because I’m a ruminator and these loose ends
bother me, that’s why Mr. Fellowes! But on the lighter side, Bates didn’t do it, so cheers Bates!
In spite of this little tidbit, however, the investigation drags on as the inspector and the
police office return for yet another round of questioning (you’d think as many
times as they’ve appeared in these episodes I’d have learned their names by
now, but I can’t be bothered to, they bother me too much). This time they moved
on to Baxter after some nameless ass clown sent them a letter tipping them off
that she had some information. Thankfully she didn’t roll over, and this
recently reformed Mother Theresa actually continues to extend the olive branch
to Thomas in spite of his ill-fated plot. She helped him seek out medical
assistance when his gay treatment went awry and left a huge welt on his
buttocks at the injection site of his heroin or silver nitrate or whatever the
hell they claimed cured the rainbow disease back in the day. Could it be that
Baxter might break through that rough exterior of Thomas’ and he’ll turn into
the wonderful Mr. Nice Guy we all knew was hiding deep down inside, befriending everyone at Downton with all forgiven and forgotten? Well…maybe we’d better just
grab some of that LSD and make the best of the current situation.
Finally leveling the old bitty playing field, Isobel is to
accept Lord Merton’s proposal and will soon be promoted to Lady Merton,
becoming Violet’s equal not only in wit and cutting banter, but in formal titles
as well. In spite of the dowager’s ongoing interference to stop this
progression through the social ranks, she has lost the battle. One might even
say that she may even be beginning to lose the war, as Isobel begins to prepare
for the grace and decorum of Ladyhood and Violet can barely get her new maid to
wash her panties. Please, for the love of god, don’t let the countess go commando, the
thought of which will cure my own rainbow disease.
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