Daredevils, Crookshanks, and Parvenus (S6 E7)

Apologies for the delay in this blog, it's been a hell of a week. So, off to the races we go! The Crawley family travels out together to see Henry compete with his fabulous motorcar in what was initially high class racing before being taken over by beer guzzling rednecks at NASCAR (they even had a tailgate under their tent, but most NASCAR fans don't bring their servants with them).  A trip that stirs excitement for the majority of the Crawleys finds Mary shaken with building anxiety and vicarious trauma from losing Matthew. She goes reluctantly to support her beau (and shows up in spectacular sunglasses), and soon the green flag is waved. With engines roaring, the drivers zip around the track with Henry shifting in various positions behind and in front of his comrade, Charlie Rogers. Rounding the corner for the final lap, suddenly the sound of screeching tires and a collision fills the air, then, above the heads of the crowd, a white plume of smoke rises. Finding herself in a recurring nightmare, Mary bolts to the scene of the accident for any confirmation that Henry had not perished. Wading in the crashing waves of emotions, panic gave way to relief when she found Henry alive, then devastation set in with the loss of an innocent life. Henry himself was in a state of hysterics, scraping and digging to save his friend from the rising flames of the mangled wreck before being dragged away.

After a sorrowful chat with Mary, Henry and she part ways, her to a family dinner and him to call his friend's family and notify them of the tragedy. After the meal, though, Mary receives a call as well, and Henry proclaims this to be his Carpe Diem epiphany. Still finding herself in the swirling cloud of shock, anxiety, trauma, and devastation, Mary ultimately ends their short romance, citing ill-fitted interests and lifestyles. When she ends the call, Tom feebly attempts to bring her to her senses, but she escapes to the stairs, leaving any definite answer hanging in the balance.

Another relationship hanging in the balance has only grown more complicated after Violet turned into Sherlock Holmes and investigated the source of an awkward invitation to Lord Merton's son's wedding. Meeting with the suspiciously kind finacee, the Dowager got to the bottom of Crookshank's ulterior motive. Following a curt conversation, the truth revealed is that Larry and his soon-to-be betrothed do not want to deal with a geriatric shadow looming about the house and are not in the mood to be nursemaids. Since Shady Pines has not yet been introduced to this part of England,there is naught more to be done than to shuffle him off to the waiting arms of a middle-class wife. In my last blog I had wondered how the bastard could have found anyone to marry him, but now the answer is clear...he found this shady little Crookshank. What kind of a name is Crookshank anyways? Well in case you were wondering, aside from being the name of a famous physician and writer, Crookshanks was the name of Hermione Granger's cat (yay Harry Potter allusions). More hilariously and infinitely more appropriate, according to the Urban Dictionary, a Crookshank is a "mangy old whore." Ha! Anyways, we now await Isobel's decision in rescuing Lord Merton from the claws of this treacherous family.

The mounting frustrations of being the perfect housewife to Carson have finally overwhelmed Mrs. Hughes. We find her and Mrs. Patmore hatching a scheme to give him a taste of his own medicine and a rude awakening to the domestic obstacles women face everyday. Feigning a hand injury, Mrs. Hughes forces Carson to prepare the evening's meal, an idea he doesn't quite warm up to, but somehow manages to burn the potatoes anyways. After an exhausting day of telling other people what to do and watching them do it, cooking dinner proves to be too much for Mr. Carson and he dozes off at the table. The poor thing is then stirred from his slumber to learn he will also be responsible for washing the dishes, and it is at this moment that the light bulb over his occasionally dim-witted viewpoint clicked on. There is a new found respect for the domestic goddess in the Carson cottage.

As Thomas continues to look for a job with Carson nipping at his heels, it seems Molesley may be yet another servant moving up and out of the abbey. Mr. Dawes, of the local academic institution, had both Molesley and Daisy sit for their exams, which sent Daisy into a panic as the fruit of her labors was finally within reach. Molesley chalked up on his studies as well in fear of any pending disappointment; as a man who went from valet to delivery boy to street worker (not the Ethel kind, the tar laying kind), and now a footman, Molesley understandably doesn't want to get his hopes up. But fate smiles on him after all is said and done, and Molesley shines in his exams, which moves Mr. Dawes to offer him a teaching position at the school. In spite of the exaggeration of his lackluster cricket skills, it would seem Molesley had sold himself short on his testing confidence, and he is visibly shaken when he finds he will catch that ship he believed he missed after all. Molesley is set to climb the professional and social ladder. This in turn, may end up being the solution to Thomas' problem as well.

As things have turned for Molesley, so have they too for Edith. Cuddled on the couch with Bertie after the tragedy of Charlie Rogers, Bertie finally musters the courage to ask the question Edith has been waiting for...well since the last two times someone asked her the question. After years of ups and mostly downs for Edith, could this finally be it? Will she have her happily ever after? Will Julian finally leave her the hell alone? Of course, anywhere Edith goes, little Gerbera must follow, and without giving away any sliver of the truth, Edith requests that the illegitimate child come too. Closing without a final answer, we wait to find if Edith will finally tie the knot, so long as he doesn't go out of the country or run away at the alter. Edith is a love pariah no more!

In Downton Tidbits, Mrs. Patmore finally puts the finishing touches on her bed and breakfast, and eagerly attends to her first guests, but a shady looking creeper is loitering about the place and it seems her brain child may soon be causing a stir. The cat is finally let out of the bag when a handful of the servants find Andy can't read. With Mr. Dawes nearby, a plan is outlined to begin reading lessons for poor Andy, which in turn sadly robs Thomas of his responsibilities in teaching him, as well as any sense of purpose and friendship he may have developed with the young lad. We become more familiar with the young editor at Edith's magazine after Edith invites Ms. Laura Edmonds to Henry Talbot's race, and it seems Tom may want to become more familiar with her as well. Of course, if she can't bait his interest and wonders why she could always look in the mirror (where the hell were the blue-stocking suffragettes when this shit was being published? It's bra burning time, bitches!). Hints of Mary trying to be genuinely kind to Edith are more and more resulting in venomous responses as Edith is developing more of a sting in her tail. Once Mary suggested that Bertie driving up for Edith alone should be enough, Edith clipped her at the knees with a sharp-tongued response. In addition to the fact that the previews show Edith calling Mary a flat out bitch, I suspect a battle is brewing. Violet has decided, in the wake of the hospital debacle, to hoist up her anchor and venture off on a recuperative trip. Leaving the family in the throes of her absence, she drops off a final parting gift: the cutest puppy to succeed dear Isis, Tiaa. Gotta love them puppy dogs, and the fact that LG is totally fine with having an untrained puppy upstairs, because of course he won't be cleaning up the mess!

See you next time...

Socialized...

Yep...there was a time when they had to pay for their doctor visits...

And just in case you're not very educated on the forlorn state of healthcare in America...

True story....

The Spectrum of Good and Evil

Different versions, some characters landed different positions, some stayed the same throughout...

All I can say is Thomas was kind of boo-hooing at the end of the last episode, but unfortunately as I mentioned in season 5 I have no empathy left for him. His situation, as devastating as it is, is self-made. He constantly complains of his own plight, and moments later turns around to stab someone else in the back. I really feel he should graduate to chaotic evil since Mrs. Bates is dead...

Downgrading, Detonating, and Downton on Display (S6 E6)

Although Downton has been opening its doors to viewers like us for 6 wonderful years, it would appear the beauty of the abbey was naught but a mystery to the townspeople and warranted making it a tourist attraction for charity. In order to raise funds for the hospital, the Crawleys are banking on the curiosity of their local bottom-dwellers and praying that they don't leave with more in their pockets than when they came. Though some in the family are naturally against it, namely LG, Violet, and Carson, we can't ignore the irony of the similar circumstances with Highclere Castle and the tourist attraction it has become since Downton became world famous. I don't know where that money goes, but visiting it has made its way onto my bucket list. Of course, Carson simply feels they aren't entitled to catch a glimpse over the hedge that has flourished in the Law of Poverty (aka student loans, which will inevitably keep me from crossing this visit off my bucket list in the long run). LG and Violet can't see the fascination with their own extravagant lifestyles the majority can't often dream of, but I guarantee you, dear Donk that I would gladly shirk my loan responsibilities and throw my golden credit score into the fiery pits of financial hell to pay to see Lady Mary in the tub.

After an off-the-cuff suggestion from Bertie, the Crawley ladies are saddled with the responsibility of providing the walk-through tours, and are caught trying desperately to cover their own detachment from the historical structure their family has called home for generations. Carson sadly misses the opportunity to beat any children with a stick, though one scuttles upstairs past the velvet rope and slips confidently into LG's bedroom. After a candid conversation about the ridiculousness of the estate, the little chap scampers off and leaves LG wondering about the necessity of it all. Even Edith takes notice of the great divide, remarking that the venture left the family feeling like an exhibit on display; their ways of life presented for observation, study, and pure fascination behind a plexi-glass wall that's smudged with children's snotty faces and grubby hands. The awareness that their way of life is quickly dwindling slowly descends upon them, and the possibility of eventually downgrading looms before them.

This knowledge has been creeping in the back of their minds, however, in spite of their attempts to brush it aside, and LG has revisited an earlier discussion of downgrading the staff, namely the under butler. Being the omniscient party in the story of Downton, we know all too well the struggles Thomas has faced in seeking alternate employment, but LG and Carson have had their fill of his residual presence and are sweeping him to the door like a rat that had been discovered in the kitchen. Reminded of his pending fate and being the first to be offed, Thomas becomes more embittered towards the majority of staff in the house, and turns to his best buddy to cheer him up. No, not Andy (though rumors begin swirling that the two are playing leap frog in the servants' quarters). Thomas takes up with little George, playing horsey with the young heir and in the process alerting Mary to his melancholy state. I sense Mary will come to his rescue in episodes to come if this Andy thing doesn't blow up in his face. Ha...in his face...that innuendo was totally unintended but it works and I have a cold so my filter is broken; I don't care and I'm leaving it in there. I never claimed this blog was child-friendly. Crap, I hope my mom doesn't decide to read this one.

There was a true explosion in the abbey when the Dowager found out she had been dethroned as the President of the hospital board and that Cora was to be her successor. Detonating all over Lady Grantham in the middle of a house tour, Violet then stomped up to LG's room and spat venom in his face over the treachery of his better half, this Benedict Arnold, this Brutus, this Edward Snowden right there in their midst (note: I'm really all for Edward Snowden, so don't start writing letters). Though I suspect when LG was spewing blood across the dinner table she may have questioned her position in the great debate, once finding that he was going to be fine, she retreated to her footholds and remained steadfast in her disagreement with it all. In spite of the anticipated nuclear war that was to come, Cora was beginning to secretly revel in the prospect of having a new endeavor to pursue. No doubt finding herself in what I suspect was the Edwardian version of an Empty Nest Syndrome, where the kids haven't quite left because girls can't move out on their own without looking like whores, but they are off living their lives with little need from their nanny mom to raise them (come on Cora, visiting with the children an hour a day can hardly be called a career). But rise to the occasion she must, and I can only wonder what will happen with the Dowager's own need for a purpose. Old people need something to do too, otherwise they cause all kinds of trouble, and you've seen the trouble she caused when she had a job, imagine the shit-storm she'll stir with 24 hours of free time on her hands!

Mary continues this taunting dance with Henry by popping out of a cake for him...no she didn't but I'd pay for that as well. Mary in a cake, Mary in a tub...better yet I want Mary eating cake in a tub. Yeah, let's make that happen, I'll throw in my kids' college funds too. Don't worry about them, McDonald's will always need fry cooks. Anyways, fully expecting to meet Henry, Mary joins in on a dinner party thrown by Evelyn Napier; yes he's back and he barely got two lines in this episode, he's become that insignificant. I truly pity him but if after 10 years he still hasn't figured it out, he never will. Playing hard to get like she hasn't slept with three men already and can be choosey, Mary baits her hook and toys with Henry before the two escape together into the night. A well-timed thunderstorm pushes them into a covered walkway and suddenly their lips collide. Mary can't hide her excitement. Love is blossoming and Mary might be downgrading herself, nixing that whole "marrying above me" plan after all.

In Downton Tidbits, Daisy is continuing to prepare for her test, and in the process of being her private cheerleader, Molesley has been asked to sit for the tests as well. In the event that Molesley does well, perhaps he will catch his ship after all and begin a career guiding the young minds of England. Daisy has also recovered from her Shared Delusional Disorder and has shifted to Oppositional Defiance, trying her damnedest to dig a trench between Mrs. Patmore and Mr. Mason, where a little romance may be growing. If this works out, in a way Mrs. Patmore will kind of become Daisy's stepmother. I can picture it now, Daisy stomping away in a fit screaming "you'll never be my real mom!" I get it though, I did that once with my stepmother too...well actually it was last week. It's much more awkward in your 30s, let me tell you. Lord Merton, suddenly desperate to win Isobel's affections again now that the hospital business has settled, has triangulated his future daughter-in-law into the lover's quarrel, positioning her as a peacemaker for Larry. Ignoring this strange tangent in the story line, I spent most of my time wondering how the hell that bastard got anyone to agree to marry him. Mary is already fully aware of the situation with young Monkey Flower (I swear to god that's a real flower...go ahead, Google it, I'll wait.......HA told ya), but she insists that someone announce it to her aloud, and continues to goad everyone into telling her. They're dragging it out, but then again, that's becoming Julian's signature plot development tactic. Edith doesn't hesitate to introduce little Pink Pussytoes to Bertie (yeah, that one's real too), and in his stay, Bertie is quickly catching up to the lifelong war and verbal lashes that occur between Mary and Edith. Will someone finally step up for Edith against Mary? Carson continues to complain about Mrs. Hughes' lackluster housekeeping and it took all her personal restraint not to grab his walking stick and shove it where the sun doesn't shine. Baxter received a letter from Peter Coyle to visit him in prison, and though Molesley is strongly advising against it, she may go see the conniving bastard yet.

See ya next week!

Screw Those Disney Princesses!

Dress up your kid like a Downton lady for this Halloween! I swear to god, I'm going to pop out a child just so I can dress them up like this next year. Girl or boy (because apparently this is becoming more acceptable) someone's getting dressed up like a Crawley!

The Battle Royale and the Game of Love (S6 E5)

The Brainwashing Continues

It's off to the car race we go as Mary and Tom take up Henry's invitation to show off for the object of his affection. In spite of our hopes of romance for her, Mary has divulged to Tom that she refuses to marry down, and convincingly argues that purely out of consideration for her betrothed, she will not out-rank him. As Sybil has not been far from regular conversation this season, Tom reminds Mary of the class separation that preceded his marriage to her baby sister and knocks her uppity butt down a few notches. After a few brief panic attacks watching Henry speed around the race track and betraying herself in her concern for him, Mary, Tom and Henry head down for a few drinks. Side-stepping tradition, Tom proclaims himself the wing man for both parties and pushes them onward down the path of love (can I get a night with this guy to help me find my lady love?). Who knows, Mary could find Henry may be worth a sponge here and there.

One never afraid of marrying down, dating down, adultering down, Edith, one of limited standards, has found a man that may just be on par with her expectations. He's a simple agent, but not a frozen dead dude, not an old cripple, not a married farmer, and not a married magazine editor. So basically he's come out far above the rest. After meeting Bertie Pelham for anything and everything but a damn date, they finally went on a date and locked lips. For the love of god I hope he's not some sadistic ax murder, but that would be just the kind of twisted shit Julian Fellowes would pull on this poor unfortunate girl. 

Although many in Downton are finally finding their well-deserved happiness, one thing that is irrefutably obvious is that love is an ever-changing beast, enveloping in its comfort, but sure to rear its ugly head when you serve your man some under-cooked lamb with a poor pairing of vegetables. Like Toad of Toad Hall, the spoiled Mr. Carson poo-pooed his new wife's efforts to plan a hearty meal. Then again I'm not so sure about the selection either; being the less worldly American that I am, I had only once heard mention of Bubble and Squeak in my childhood from the tales of the beloved Mr. Toad and his willows. After Googling it, I can't say I'd be too fond of the concoction myself. Be that as it may, every chauvinistic pig is deserving of a slap when not-so-subtly criticizing their better half. But let's be honest, did we really think Carson would let his own home be run any less efficiently than the abbey? What did you expect? Thankfully he found it in his heart to essentially order his wife into cooking lessons with Mrs. Patmore. I predict this will end with some bloodshed. That, or the sight of Mrs. Hughes' birthday suit will become nothing more than a faint memory for him.

Speaking of managing pigs, a sudden problem arose when Mary realized that Mr.Mason may not have it in him to wrangle the swine on the new farm. As the geriatric settled into his new digs, Mary and Tom paid him a visit to ensure the future well-being of their pork plantation. Without a specific plan, Mr. Mason awkwardly shuffled his feet for a moment. In an act of chivalry and to avoid the embarrassment of poor Mr. Mason, Andy leapt to his feet and volunteered as tribute for the Bacon Games. Glad for the help and the opportunity to guide a new apprentice, Mr. Mason begins throwing books at the poor child, who stares at the bound pages uneasily. It isn't until later, when Thomas overhears his tantrum in the servants' quarters that we find Andy to be illiterate. Though Andy finally revealed that he had shunned Thomas for so long out of his own rainbow-phobia, he hardly shies away when Thomas enters his room, which really didn't end well for the last servant whose room he visited. In his time of need, Andy's defenses appear to be down and he accepts the olive branch Thomas has extended for so long. Granted the olive is shriveled and wormy but hey, beggars, choosers and whatnot. Thomas agrees to help Andy with his reading and perhaps a bond has finally be forged.

With peace finding its way upstairs, it has yet again eluded the family downstairs and the war rages on over the Cottage Hospital. Dr. Clarkson seems to have formally renounced his position and, in high treason, strengthened Cora and Isobel's ranks. This did not come without reprimand, but not from Violet. Denker, ever protective of her lady, the misguided and hostile maid gave Clarkson a verbal lashing in town and nearly got herself sacked. However, pulling the ace from her sleeve, she demanded Spratt speak up for her or risk being revealed as the accomplice of a fugitive. Pulling her tail from the flames just in time, Denker was spared. But Violet sensed the ranks closing in on her. Resorting to drastic measures, the Dowager desperately digs into her back of tricks for one last strike. Summoning the Health Minister who is touring nearby, Violet, who is not above entrapment herself, blackmails the man into attending a dinner at Downton. Hoping he will side with her, she prepares to present her case. After a few brutal rounds in the ring, making everyone more uncomfortable than all the times Bunting came to dinner combined, LG has had enough, 

LG had been ignoring and belittling the nagging pain that has been plaguing him for the past few episodes and he refused to go to his doctor, which was something I thought only we Mexicans do (it took my dad two weeks to get to the hospital after he broke his leg). But suddenly it becomes too much to bear. With a choking cough, he spews blood across the table, sputtering and and spitting up pints of the reddened life force. The scene is so shocking and gruesome for a moment I thought we had stepped into an episode of American Horror Story. He collapses to the floor and we're sure it's over for the Lord and Master. After a speedy transfer to the hospital and a life-saving surgery, it would appear that LG will recover, but not without some major life changes, beginning with Tom and Mary taking over the majority of the estate. As no man wants his kingdom taken from him, especially by his child, it looks as though Clarkson and LG will both have their huevos in a jar on their nightstands. 

In Downton Tidbits, Baxter found relief when it turned out she did not have to testify against Peter. After a careful review of the witness list, it would appear Mr. Coyle had a change of heart, or what I prefer to call an "Oh shit" moment, and pleaded guilty to the charges he faced. Edith finally hired a nice pair of ovaries to be the editor of her magazine, and the development of women in roles of power keeps surging forward. On the heels of that relief may come more frustration and heartache for Edith, or a final release as it would appear that the light bulb has finally illuminated over Mary's encapsulated head. Overhearing an awkwardly placed conversation between Cora and Violet (how did we get from the hospital fight to family secrets and illegitimate children?), Mary is beginning to piece together the puzzle that is Edith's maternity to young Bouvardia, and I suspect all will be said and done in our next trip to Downton.

There are only a few more journeys left my loves, let us savor each and every moment...until next time.

The Young Crawley Ladies

We've seen the permafrost between Edith and Mary slowly thaw, and I suspect that they will only get closer as Mary is just a breath away from piecing together Edith's secret. But what started this war? Though there were mincing comments about Edith's futile love life and the moment where that secret about Mary's deadly womanhood and Pamuk was leaked to the ambassador, I can only imagine that this conflict started long ago when they were tiny lady youngsters. In fact, here's a screencap of the little Crawley minions so many years ago, Mary still bossing everyone around, Edith and her pitiful comebacks, and Sybil staying out of it.

And sadly, some things never change. Edith's chances of getting adopted and married were one in the same...