White Weddings, Red Rooms, and Frozen Hearts (S6 E2)

Wedding bells are ringing on the horizon in Downton's second episode, though they're chiming on the very distant horizon as Mrs. Hughes and Carson continue to grapple over the locations for the wedding and reception. Mrs.Hughes has revealed her hopes for a simple celebration that reflects their roots and values, not the gilded lifestyle of their employers. Carson, with his sentimental ties to the abbey, continues to get reeled in by the Crawleys in having the reception in the house, though Lord Grantham's lackluster offer to gussy up the servants' dungeon fell short of British hospitality. Mary, however, saved the day in extending any of the abbey's rooms to the happy couple, and in turn cut Mrs. Hughes down at the knees. Given that Mary has never quite made it to Mrs. Hughes' list of 50 favorite people (and she only knows 37 people), I suspect that this usurpation of the woman's own wedding day will only result in a bitchfest battle to end all bitch battles. I, for one, cannot wait for it. I hope it's a mud fight.

While the clanging song of matrimony fills the head servants' world, one idiophone has fallen silent, and it appears it may not ring out again. Isobel and Lord Merton seem to be a lost cause. Though Lord Merton remains devoted to winning her over once more in spite of his schmuck sons, Isobel keeps a cold distance. Their friendship still simmers, but the agony of maintaining one another's company appears painfully torturous for both. Then again, perhaps Isobel just goes for that kind of masochism. Maybe she's a red-room kind of girl. The reality is she could end this now with just a few simple words, live out the rest of her life being loved and adored, and vanquish their loneliness and suffering in one fell swoop. But, like dangling a doughnut in front of my treadmill, she teases him along and breaks her own heart in the process. Maybe if he changed his name to Lord Grey and took the reigns (or whips) they'd finally get somewhere, but for now such is the winter of their discontent.

Sadly for Thomas, the ice has glossed over his world too and the icicles cling to his lonely heart like he pissed off a PMSing Queen Elsa. His friendly exchanges with Andy are met with chilly acknowledgments and hasty departures, leaving Thomas looking like a wounded puppy. Determined to make a friend who's fully potty-trained, Thomas extends the olive branch time and time again to Andy, only to have it swatted away, whether it's taking a jaunty walk, helping with the clocks of the abbey, or a simple game of bowling, he can't seem to win. While Thomas has never been Mr. Friendly to the members of Downton's service team, Andy was fresh meat who really shouldn't have much awareness of Thomas' shady past. Has someone filled him in, warned him of the Evil Butler's track record? Did his Gaydar zero in on Thomas, detecting high levels of Rainbow Disease? Maybe he's just Team Bates. Either way, the way things are going for Thomas, he may be on his way out anyways. Under Butlers are so pretentious these days.

One frozen heart that seems to be melting, at least in part, is dear Lady Mary's, though she had once lamented she didn't have one to begin with. And she seems to be warming for none other than her arch enemy, Edith. The two have battled it out since that season one with contemptuous dig that Poor Edith "needed all the help she could get" in catching the eye of a suitor, prompting a scathing letter disclosing Mary's lustful assassination of a diplomat. They have never been friends and even poor Sybil's death couldn't quite mend their relationship. However, in the absence of Tom, perhaps Mary is growing accustomed to being left behind with Edith after all. The two shared a glance of agreement across the breakfast table when Robert made the embarrassing reception offer to Carson, and Mary even invited Edith to join her and the children to visit the Drewe farm pigs. Of course, this visit backfired brutally as Mrs. Drewe's wounds were ripped open after seeing her lost foster child once more. Deciding that Sunflower would be better off in her care, Mrs. Drewe gathered up the little sapling at the local farmers' market and snuck her back home. Edith was able to retrieve the child, but not without the reminder that giving a child to a family to love, then reneging on the adoption comes with devastating consequences. Of course in spite of Mary's slow warming to Edith, she wasn't so much concerned with the disappearance of Gladiolus as she was with having to walk home, but I sense the secret of little Buttercup will soon surface and Mary might just have to cope with being called Auntie soon. Will Mary bring down the fury of her judgment, neglecting her own fall as a pariah?

Sadly, Edith still can't seem to catch a break in this season, and she continues to struggle with managing Michael's publication and her hired editor. Multiple shouting matches over the phone and reverberating through London have left Edith exasperated as she is forced to recall that she too has a uterus, and thus is unfit for a position of power. Why she hasn't fired the bastard and hired another fully capable set of ovaries is beyond me, but hopefully her future will soon go the way of Mary as the agent of Downton, who, for the most part was accepted in her new title after the initial shock wore off.

And in this week's tidbits, Daisy's education has taken flight as she begins to lash out against the caste system of 1920s England and screams out "Damn the Man!" protesting Mr. Mason's eventual evacuation from his farm. Up next for Daisy: Occupy Darnley Estate! The board of the hospital have made little progress in their decision to allow the buy-out of the independent medical facility, but for a brief moment, Dr. Clarkson seemed to stray from the safety of the Dowager's skirt in leaning towards Cora's argument for advancement. And after months of grief, Anna has learned with a simple procedure, she may in fact be able to bear a little Bates after all.

"You Gotta be Kidding."

Taken from MVPC71's Instagram

Lay-Offs, Regrets, and Golden Age Sex (S6 E1)

My unbelievably well-timed office calendar

Yay, it's back, we're back, everyone's back! The withdrawals have subsided and I expect the twitching to stop any time now. The show opens with the Crawley family and friends preparing for a boisterous hunt, all saddled in their riding finery, but already a sly new face emerges from the crowd of spectator villagers and fixes her eyes on Lady Mary. Much like her new approach to horse-riding, Mary will soon regret straddling Lord Gillingham too. After taking a brutal fall in what we hope was mostly mud, Mary returned to the house to be confronted by Miss Lisa Bevan, a chambermaid from the hotel Mary took her first riding lesson with Tony in. Having no shame, Bevan immediately works to extort Mary for 1000 pounds in order to remain silent on the doomed tryst. What I love about this scene is the fact that the old Mary is back in full force (note in season 5 she was gradually beginning to emerge but with an underwhelming presence). With a glare in her eyes and a sting in her tail, she bit back, dared the lowly servant to do her worst and retreated to the house just as a wave of panic washed over her face. Could the picture to the right be any more appropriate? Well, do ya Mary?

We certainly don't hear the last from Miss Bevan, as she manipulates her way into Mary's chambers in full-on creeper mode, then forces her way into the library to spill her story to Lord Grantham. She secures a sum much smaller than intended with the threat of arrest accompanying the check Robert wrote, simultaneously giving birth to the moment I hated and dreaded for season six. As I had previously noted in last year's reviews, some of the story lines were becoming redundant and in some cases identical to previous Downton events. This particular incident screamed of Charles Grigg trying to extort Mr. Carson in exchange for his silence on Carson's vaudeville history, which also ended with a threat of arrest and Robert paying off the slob. A small infraction in recreating this moment with a change of players, and luckily the remainder of the show more than made up for the slip. What became slightly hazy for me was Lord Grantham's revelation that Mary was in fact, fit to be the agent of Downton because she slept with Tony and refused him. It was pretty much "you can't be the agent, you're a chick and everyone knows anyone with a uterus can't handle hard work!" "But Papa, I slept with Tony and I realized he was not sponge-worthy so I dumped his ass!" "Oh well in that case, look how grown you are, here's the entire estate, have fun!" What the hell did I miss here? In the end, I still couldn't understand why Anna didn't just push the woman down the stairs when escorting her from Mary's room and save everyone a lot of trouble? You like pushing people, don't you Anna?

Well no. Apparently not. Thankfully, after several painful hours of interrogations and accusations throughout season 5, another rape victim had finally come forward and fessed up to pushing Mr. Green into the street after he mocked her and pushed that final fatal button. No doubt a relief for Anna, perhaps she can focus on her future with Bates and their prospective motel, though thus far she cannot hope to hear the pitter patter of little feet just yet. Poor Anna reveals her devastating loss of yet another baby and fears her capability of carrying a child full term. This may or may not be a bad thing considering what happened to the last Mrs. Bates who owned a motel. But we can only hope that with the lifting stress of this Green ordeal, Anna's reproductive system may have another go at it.

Two people far beyond this concern are our beloved Carson and Mrs. Hughes, but poor Elsie has a concern of her own. The birthday suit has been broken in a bit and she can't seem to iron out whatever wrinkles may have developed, which she fears may put off Mr. Carson. Turning to her dear friend Mrs. Patmore for help, the moment suddenly turned into a 1920s version of the Golden Girls (guess which one was Rose). All they needed was a cheesecake and a sharp-tongued old lady two steps away from a retirement home, but sadly the Dowager wasn't in this scene. As the two little hens clucked about their concerns of post-menopausal coitus, Mrs. Hughes enlisted Mrs. Patmore to be the facilitator in this awkward discussion between Elsie and Charles. And awkward it was. When they finally got down to it after one failed attempt, it was spectacularly uncomfortable to watch the two writhe and cringe through the conversation of a full marriage, which was in essence: "she wants to know if you expect to see her Genurkenflurken." Someone please give these two an award now. The ability to make audiences uncomfortable during a sex talk in this ridiculously perverse and hedonistic modern day culture without actually ever using the word sex is undeniably worthy of recognition. Thankfully they worked out their issues, Carson's little soliloquy made everyone hope for a partner of similar sentiment and devotion in their own golden ages, and Elsie and Charles shared their first heart melting kiss.

In spite of this warm ending, the season was not without its boiling points either. As many families were falling to smaller lifestyles and having to downsize, Mr. Mason was informed he was bound to lose his farm tenancy, uprooting his life and his future. Though Lord Grantham attempted to intervene, his efforts were entirely undone by Daisy's unfaltering big mouth. Confronting both the former owner who was in the middle of watching his life fall to ruin, and the new owner, the typically meek and mild Daisy unleashed the fury of Hell at a local auction. Ignoring all prompts and redirection to silence herself, Daisy acquired a spine at the worst of moments, and almost certainly sealed Mr. Mason's fate as a former tenant. Some consideration should be given to her passion in standing up for her father-in-law, but ultimately we all just wanted to bitch slap her and tell her to shut up. Once snapped back to reality, she realized her folly and narrowly escaped dismissal from the house.

Daisy was not the only one with the big mouth in Downton this week, however. After being informed that there may be some downsizing on the wages list, Danker could barely contain herself, in spite of the Dowager's warning that it did not bear repeating. Happily skipping from one house to the other and viewing herself as indispensable, Danker began sprinkling her cyanide sunshine around, stirring fears in most servants, none more than Sprat. Though she managed to get his panties in a bunch, the Dowager craftily leveled Danker with a tease about her being the selected sacrifice. Spin off alert! Survivor Downton! I can only imagine the videos of elimination votes! Dowager: "That Danker's a boozy bitch and she can't wash my underwear worth a damn, my ass is chaffing! She's gotta go!" Danker: "Hey, I spent all night trying to get the skid marks out of those things, I deserve to be here!" Either way, we don't know who will fall to the layoffs of the abbey, but I suspect we're not lucky enough to be rid of the arses in the end.

With whispers of the potential loss of staff lurking through the house, the potential loss of power in the hospital has also been revealed to the committee, in turn triggering the next battle between Violet and Isobel. While Isobel sides with ethics and patient care, Violet prefers the reigning power of her small niche in the world and refuses to give it up without a fight. And rushing to her side in childish vengeance, Dr. Clarkson declares his support for the Dowager, not only to avoid the conglomerate castration this larger hospital will bring to his tiny practice, but because he's straight up jelly of Lord Merton. Like two youngsters fighting over a toy, the only solution is to have a grown up step up and intervene, for which Cora has bravely volunteered but already announced her plan to defeat Violet. I suspect it involves one simple yet resounding warning: "Shady Pines, Mama!"

In other news, Edith can't seem to establish her position as the manager of a magazine, Thomas' only friends are George and Marigold and only because he bribes them with piggy back rides, Rose and Tom are doing fine in America, and I finally learned the Sergeant's name, Willis. Join us again next week to see who gets voted off Survivor Downton and how Lady Mary continues to lay the foundation for becoming the Blanche of the 1950s with her many men.

Downton Peanutized!

So I love Peanuts. I have loved this cast of crazy and bewildering cartoon characters since I was a wee lass. No Christmas was complete without a Charlie Brown Christmas and no Halloween could begin without the Great Pumpkin. Of course, as you can see by my office bookshelf, I love all these characters equally and bear no preference to any particular individual...just like this blog. Promise. Anyways, the highly anticipated Charlie Brown movie is coming to theaters in the US in November, and their Official Instagram has provided an app where you can Peanutize yourself or create any other number of characters if you so choose, so I figured why not combine my favorite cartoon strip with my favorite period drama? I clearly have no life and needed a productive way to spend my time, and let's be real, aren't there enough people trying to cure cancer and end world hunger? I would just be in the way. Hence, we have a wacky collection of Downtonian caricatures.

Please note: the Peanutized app is limited in many features such as hairstyles, hair colors, clothing, accessories, etc., so some characters were harder to create than others. Some I feel are absolutely spot on, others I couldn't exactly recall who they were supposed to be after I had finished them. I skipped some characters that couldn't be re-created and still think the Dowager looks like she retired in 1990s Miami...but here they are, cast and crew in all their Snoopified glory. Give the app a try and see who you can create! Click the images to enlarge.

Marigold's hair color was hard to match

Writers, Producers, Historians

Team Milk (sorry Victoria, your new haircut was hard to match)

JoFro at the Emmys

So we didn't forget that Joanne Froggatt was nominated for Best Supporting Actress in a Drama Series, it was just poor timing with the DA premiere. Sadly she didn't take home the gold, as we all hoped and kind of expected she would since the Hollywood Foreign Press saw fit to send her home with a big round shiny thing when she won at the Golden Globes last year. But, on the up side, she looked utterly fantastic. On the down side, she had to immediately leave the show and run to the airport, presumably to return to filming her new drama series Dark Angel. Come on JoFro, if they aren't going to give you a statue, you should at least stick around for the free booze and drink 'em for all they're worth! Pics from Joanne's Instagram

Downton Dinner Gala

So I've done it guys. I've slipped into the dark side and I fear there is no return. But that hardly matters with this being the last season of Downton, right? Let me begin by saying I have always taken the shoddy deal I've been dealt by these Brits in having to wait until January to enjoy the wonder that is this period drama, though admittedly I have never accepted this without vehement protest. However I was faced with the damning temptation from my family members when they confronted me and coerced me into indulging in the series airing early. Now I must admit that I am an impressionable young lady and highly suggestible to overpowering influence, like that incident at the river with my relatives..."jump off the bridge!" they said, "there are no rocks!" they said. Anyways, the selling point that tipped the scales was of course the irresistible notion of watching the actual Christmas special on Christmas Day. How could I turn that down? I couldn't, I simply couldn't. Of course, in this digital age there are many means of obtaining early airings, all of which unethical, so for the intents and purposes of this blog, I will simply state that I have temporarily relocated to West Sussex and am currently enjoying an extended vacation until the final episode airs, and I will return stateside on Boxing Day. Someone please feed the dogs, I may have forgotten to make arrangements with the servants.

Though I have never gone all out for DA before, given that it is the final season, it had already been planned that there would be a dinner party for the Downton premiere. But with this sudden affrontal from my brother and sister-in-law, the dinner party had to be expedited, and I only had 3 weeks to plan and prepare for it. I designed the invitations and sent them properly addressed. The invitations took me about 2 days, but the meal was going to be the more challenging task. It is widely known throughout the land that I am the Queen of Microwaves, I am certainly no Mrs. Patmore (though I had a similar incident to hers with a blender and cursed technology as a whole). With the help of my mother, we

 planned the menu and I set to work on gathering the ingredients and making trial dishes, if only to ensure I killed no one. The first trial dishes left something to be desired, but I was sure a few adjustments here and there would make a world of difference. And mom was enlisted to make the more complicated entrees so I bore no responsibility there. I was, of course, far better at the planning and acquisition of decor, and couldn't wait to set the table in all its grandeur, albeit most likely not historically accurate, but nothing could be done. Sorry Alastair.

One thing we hadn't planned on was the torturous heat that would befall us on this day: a blistering 105F...I mean 40.5C, which is completely atypical for Califor- er, West Sussex in September, so I'm told. But I am a bitch of a hostess and not only was there no time to swap out the hot soup or hot chicken on the menu, I also insisted that my guests adhere to the dress code and arrive in their formal attire, sweat stains and all. So with the air conditioning battling it out with the oven (and losing), we sat in a whirlwind of electric fans in a feeble attempt for some relief. Sadly, it wasn't until after all was said and done, eaten and washed, that I realized I hadn't taken any pictures of the food. In my defense, however, I was trying to play hostess and I was chasing a crazy one year old around the apartment, taking thousands of photos, trying to snap one that was in focus of her and her gorgeous little dress.


Following the meal, we posed for one photo in all our splendor, and then my mother ran retreated to change her clothes, and my niece squealed in joy as her smoldering dress was peeled off of her. As the Nature Baby ran around in her bare, diapered glory, I watched in sweltering jealousy, having to acknowledge that I am many years past being able to pull off such naked freedom myself.

Clearly my sister-in-law won for more appropriate period costume

We convened around the TV and were re-immersed into the roaring 20s once more with our favorite English family and their trusty servants, returning yet again to the roller coaster that is their day to day lives. Even my niece settled down at one point and became mesmerized by all the fascinating colors and pretty faces on the screen (though she mostly spent the show performing acrobatics on the couch and begging the dogs to give her kisses). The Wife had noted in an earlier interview that she hoped Downton could be passed down the generational line to our children and so forth, so we planted the seed and will continue to brainwash the child to the best of our abilities; I mean she's too young for Game of Thrones anyways, that will have to wait until she's five. On a side note, I got some awesome news which only made my night more amazing that is completely unrelated to Downton but I cannot divulge yet!

So I promise an episode review here soon, and it goes without saying that there will be spoilers, so any non-UK fans who want to stay in the dark, I would advise you to steer clear of those blogs, because I can't contain myself until January.

The Invitations

Messin' around waiting on the food

Mom caught me falling off the wagon again...

...then she fell off with me

The kid likes watercress soup

Behind the Scenes Video

And a bonus video of the Wife talking about Downton plus hers and the cast's charity works...

I'm beginning to become aware of the fact that I favor the Wife on this blog...this will not change but I am acknowledging it all the same.

Behind the Scenes

Granny Just got Gangsta Y'all

I once had a client whose grandmother and great grandmother were still gang bangin'...they might've been pulling drive-bys in their motorized wheelchairs but hey, y'know...#Thuglife

PBS First Look

Creative Emmy Congrats!

So the teams of Downton attended the Creative Emmys this past Saturday, and Ms. Nic Collins, who hails from the Hair and Make-Up team nabbed one of the shining awards! So a big congratulations to her and her amazing colleagues who primp and powder those beautiful faces of the many cast members on the show!

from the Official IG of Downton Abbey

Heirs and Graces

Check out the Belfast Telegraph for an amazing interview with the cast members. I was going to post it here but coupled with some transferring difficulties, there are some season six spoilers that are better left to your own discretion if you so choose to click the link! I will however loudly protest a snippet of the interview in regards to the Wife...

"...[Michelle's] planning her wedding to dishy Cork-born PR director John Dineen, her partner of two years."

Gahh! My aching heart! Was that really necessary? Assholes.

Just a Great Collection of Shorts

Here are some wonderful little interviews and tidbits from the cast...

Is this just an American thing? Are we hardened kleptomaniacs because that's all I ever hear about is how stars on American shows take keepsakes...we're horrible immoral valueless imps on this side of the pond..




And people just buy the box set...no matter what quest you will inherit from Target to Wally World to Barnes and Noble...the road is treacherous but the rewards immeasurable





Oh and here's the Wife just chatting her beautiful face off and hinting at my wildest fantasy of a lesbian Lady Mary at 4:20. Click Here for the video

Newly Released Season Six Promos

More amazing season six stills have been released, teasing for the upcoming release in the UK, which is in 11 days and counting, and torturing the rest of us who are clearly the dregs of western society, unworthy of a simultaneous release with the beloved United Kingdom. Guys, I begged, I pleaded, I bitched and complained, to no avail. We are at the final season, and the US will still have to wait until January. Whatever, that's fine, keep your stupid early release! You won this war, but we kicked your asses in 1783 and we will always have that! I'm not bitter...

 The Wife..le sigh

More Amazing Fan Art

From the Instagram of the talented Lizza_Charlotte_. Click to enlarge