It was a grand finale in Downton this season, and it was
jam-packed with events and drama that I can barely begin to weave into a cohesive
summary, but I’ll do my best.
We pick up where we left off at the last episode with Mary
off to visit Anna in the clink (luckily she was able to get the door open).
Anna’s path to purported innocence was as winding as Bates’ was: initially faced
with little evidence, the cards began to stack against her when the
investigation unveiled a “pattern.” In this we learn that Anna was the subject
of potential sexual abuse years ago at the hands of a perverted stepfather,
whom she cut with a knife when he got too close to preceding Green’s attack. Of
course this aggressive pattern of protecting herself drew upon itself the image
of a damaged and violent female capable of killing her next assailant. As
shadows of doubt were cast, in spite of his claim that he “never doubts,” Bates
decided to confess to the crime to save his lady love, then went on the run and
Anna was in turn released. Still needing to reel Bates back to the abbey with a
cleared name, Moseley and Baxter save the day by investigating the pubs in York
and retrieve an alibi for him, securing his return home in time for Christmas.
All of the stress and the re-traumatization of another Bates
in jail surely did nothing for Lord Donk’s health, which he seemed to be
battling throughout the show with winces of pain and feeble attempts to deflect
Cora’s concerns. He eventually comes clean on the possibility of having
developed angina, but even with his own health at risk, his worries lie
elsewhere, and he finally confronts Edith on little Bluebell. Being as gracious
as he was after finding out about Pamuk and Mary, he is the essence of Dad of
the Year material and welcomes the little flower child into the family with
open arms. Dad of the Year he would have to be after having one daughter bust a
one night stand with a foreigner and have him die in her bed, another daughter
run off with the Irish Catholic Chauffer, and the third have a child out of
wedlock…it’s no wonder he developed an ulcer. Raising three girls is hell. I’m
having boys, then all I’ll have to worry about is getting them to put the
toilet seat down.
There was certainly no shortage of scheming and plotting as
servants were pitted against each other in battle and one butler learned the
hard way to never mess with the king of all schemers, Thomas. After arriving to
spend a visit with the Aldridge family at a magical castle (no not the magical
castle with the mouse and the measles, the one with the wizards), Thomas was
given an icy welcome just a few degrees above subzero temperatures along with a
sudden demotion from the butler Stole…Stow…Stool…what the hell was his name?
After some research and finding I wasn’t the only blogger who didn’t catch
this, I found his name was Stowell…but considering his behaviors, I believe Stool is
acceptable too. Stool wasn’t happy about Tom’s ascent to his social status and
treated him like he was a grotesque mountain troll. Mary enlisted Thomas for a
touch of revenge, but clearly opened Pandora’s Box when things quickly spun out
of control. After the scheme went slightly astray and Thomas was insulted along
with Stool by Lord Aldridge, Thomas went on a bit of a rampage, setting his sights
on Lord Aldridge. He managed to draw out some of the family skeletons from Stool’s
closet and summoned a shadow of Aldridge’s past to the castle to humiliate him
in front of the family. Yes, holier than thou Aldridge has a past as well,
which included adultery with a non-Jewish woman and a resulting child out of
wedlock. Need some Windex to clean the smudges off that glass house, Danny boy?
Yeah that first stone fell to the ground with a loud, hard thud. But at least the
whole debacle gave Rose the opportunity to win some popularity points with her
father-in-law.
But this wasn’t the only battle of the servants. Danker the
Wanker and Spratt the Prat continued their rivalry after Danker made the
mistake of boasting her special lady’s maid broth to the dowager. After Spratt
baited her to agree to stir up the concoction, we found Danker’s talents stop
short just shy of the kitchen. Seeking help from Daisy, they hatched a plot to
have her deliver her own creation and have Danker pass it off as her own, but
they were foiled by Spratt and Daisy’s broth was dumped down the sink. Danker
did her best to mimic the recipe, and in a final attempt to settle the score
between the two, the dowager feigned her reaction to the slop, praising Danker
before shuffling off to bed to vomit.
The countess’ acting skills didn’t stop there as she greeted
Princess Kuragin into her home to reunite her with her husband. The miserable
crone spent her visit there bitching and moaning and just being a roundabout
buzz kill to what should have been a happy reunion with her husband…well the
fact that he proposed to someone else in her absence maybe wasn’t the precursor
for any happy reunion but hey, one can hope. Blindly. But the dowager’s English
virtues withstood the test, even as the Princess hinted at a past tumultuous encounter
between the two. Later the countess revealed to Isobel that she had attempted
to ride off into the sunset with Prince Kuragin and the Princess went Elliot
Ness on them, hunting them down and “dragging Violet out of the carriage by her
arms, hair, whatever she could grab” before sending her back home to her own
husband. I personally would’ve liked a front row seat to that Jerry Springer
moment. But alas, the visit ended and so Violet’s lady fire fizzled as her
final prospect slipped from her grasp.
There is light at the end of Violet’s tunnel, however. After
weeks of grappling with making a decision in regards to Lord Merton, Isobel
finally closes the door when she finds there is no hope of a peaceful union
with his horrific offspring. In a final attempt at resuscitating the
engagement, Dicky tries to persuade his sons to be open to the wedding for
Isobel’s peace of mind. In true fashion with Larry’s typical character, he
sends a spiteful letter refusing to recede on his stance and seals the fate of
Isobel’s prospective marriage. Thus, the two old biddies will live out their
golden years in Downton together in their own Boston Marriage.
The season ended with hope in the way of love as well. Mary,
who feared the fast-approaching solitude (solitude with Edith) had suddenly taken
a slight interest in Henry Talbot, an acquaintance of Atticus’ family. Of
course no potential love interest is worthy of Lady Mary unless it starts with
him pissing her off, so after a few verbal lashings, all of which he took in stride,
she grew a bit keen on him. The encounter ended however with his ominous disclosure
that he had a passion for cars, perhaps a man Mary should steer clear of (haha that was punny). She really can't afford to be wasting anymore love sponges, after all. Edith too starts to zero in on an agent from
the local grounds, but reports that she is perfectly happy at the moment, a
well-deserved declaration for the usually unlucky Crawley sister. But the
highlight of the evening was the moment we fans have been waiting for for some
time. While Carson had been gung ho on purchasing a retirement home with Mrs.
Hughes for the past few episodes, Mrs. Hughes finally came clean after realizing
the charade had gone too far. The sister of a developmentally challenged sibling,
Mrs. Hughes revealed that she was broke after spending all her money on her
sister’s care and could not afford the business venture Carson had mapped for
them. Undeterred, Carson went and purchased a home in both their names and
pulled back the curtain on his romantic subtleties by finally proposing. This
of course just opened the floodgates on the couch as my mother and I just bawled
tears of joy for them and lamented “it’s about effing time!”
The night was filled with cursing, a few more “what a bitch”s
from me and mom, laughter when Donk got, ahem Dronk, sadness with the formal
announcement of Tom and Sybbie’s departure for America, and a few more tears
when Edith, Mary, and Tom reminisced of Sybil on Christmas Eve (BTW I really
think Christmas specials feel more sentimental on the actual Christmas holiday…right
PBS?). It was a great end to the fifth season, and on the horizon lies the
sixth, but will it be the last? Should it be?
That’s left for the next blog. More importantly, I’ve now
got to find another reason to get my mother over here for wine on Sundays. And
I have to track down the DVDs for season 5; I may be licensed now but I’m still
broke and I don’t have a Blu-Ray player, freakin’ stupid Target.
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